Amy Dresner

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Articles by Amy Dresner
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5 Reasons Why I Might Never Date a Normie Again

by Amy Dresner

But seriously, have you been 5150’d more times than you’ve been to Whole Foods? No? Get a real problem and then we’ll talk.

Ah: the joys of dating a normie. Now that the haze of lust and sex and love has lifted, I see things much more clearly now. (That, and I just got dumped by said normie so take all of this with a pinch of salt.) And yes, I know the following are generalizations and not all normies are like this, but come on, it’s my right to vent as a scorned woman.

Read the full article on THE FIX >>


What Step Six Really Means

by Amy Dresner

“For me the idea that you can sit passively by while some Higher Power does all the heavy lifting for you is the essence of addiction.”

I was at a meeting the other night and the speaker was sharing on the 6th step: “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” I was chosen to share. Already in a bad mood, thanks to the remnants of a heartbreak and the permanent effects of my colorist fucking up my hair, I just let loose, warning those in the meeting that what I would say might come off as blasphemous and offensive.

Read the full article on THE FIX >>


Recovery with a Side of Klonopin

by Amy Dresner

My doctor prescribed the drug to treat my epilepsy and I was terrified of relapsing. But I won’t lie. I was also a little bit excited at the idea of a freelapse. Many of us sober folk have some permanent repercussions from our abuse: whether it’s Hep C, rotting teeth, fatty livers, a hole in your septum so big you could put a shower rod through it, or just a little residual psychoticism. I’ve escaped most of those but I do have grand mal epilepsy thanks to years of snorting crystal meth cut with God knows what. For the last decade, my epilepsy has been relatively well controlled with daily doses of phenobarbital (the drug now infamous as the lethal additive to the applesauce that those Heaven’s Gate weirdos ingested so they could shed their earthly shells and meet the Mothership or whatever). However lately my EEG’s have had more colorful explosions than a Fourth of July celebration and I was pressed by my neurologist to add yet another medication.

Read the full article on THE FIX >>


My First Sober Heartbreak

by Amy Dresner

Didn’t he realize that nobody would ever love him the way I did? Was it because I was an addict? Didn’t he realize that it’s because I’m an addict that I love so hard? Heartbreaks have always taken me out. And I mean always. But surprisingly when this latest one hit and it’s been by far the worst, my first thought wasn’t “I wanna use” but the more terrifying, “I wanna die.” Ummm okay. Not good. But right behind it was the old standby, “I wanna use.” There it is! But guess what? I didn’t and I haven’t and I won’t.

Read the full article on THE FIX >>


True Story: I Went From Unorgasmic To Squirting Overnight

by Amy Dresner

“Your orgasm is your problem,” my ex-husband once said to me.

I frowned at his suggestion and two days later, some books appeared on my night table: I Love Female Orgasm and The Elusive Orgasm. I resentfully cracked one open and it seemed like a lot of trite stuff about the importance of relaxation. I couldn’t be more relaxed in my marital sex life if I tried. For Godʼs sake, I was almost asleep. How bad was the sex in my marriage? Well, after my ex-husband would leave for work in the morning Iʼd bust out my Hitachi magic wand and relieve myself multiple times. When he returned from the office, heʼd often see the shoulder massager laying lifeless on the floor.

Read the full article on THE FRISKY>>